Not Gonna Be Pretty

by Amy Engelhardt

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1.
Like Me 03:22
You’re not gonna be pretty You don’t photograph well Just wanted to get that out of the way You’re not gonna be normal No chance in hell Just wanted to save you from that hope And it would be so great if you could be LIKE ME Yeah, it would be so great, for me it would be so great if you could LIKE ME If you could be LIKE ME If you could LIKE ME You’re always gonna be lonely ‘cause of what of he did But you’ll always know who gets the blame You’re not gonna be normal You’re gonna be a lonely, ugly kid And when you turn 18, you can change your name CHORUS But you’re okay in this picture you don’t look too much like him Except when you smile, or play music You’re not gonna be pretty But you’re gonna be sexy And that’s a useful thing to be Men will like that better in the end Yeah, you’re gonna be sexy Look what it did for me Women may not want to be your friend CHORUS
2.
Are You Dead or Are You Undead?
3.
Chris knows I’m a sucker for a good line, he’s so mean and warm And Mike goes looking for a good time, straight into my dorm Dry heat Dead of winter Endless snowy plains And we fuck as I look out the window ‘cause I love to hug the pain Justine had a nose operation but she’s smokin anyway I’ll be in the same situation if I snort enough someday Cross campus, wear a parka Cry in someone’s beer Old ghosts know just how to find me even though I’m living here and these are the BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE these are the BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE these are not the best years of my life Up here, the sun is a hooker and my car won’t start Each day I freeze in the shower with a fucked up heart Cold feet, cold pizza Colder one night stands When I go down to the clinic, will you come and hold my hand CHORUS I can only swallow so much, but I’ll always drink some more And everything gets blurry when we touch, but isn’t that what love’s for? Big storm knocked out the power and it’s 32 degrees I’ve got a class in an hour and rug burn on my knees So proud being angry That’s all I’m about Some day the demons and I are gonna work this whole thing out.
4.
Every once in a while I pass your house And I turn back into a little grey mouse But I don’t think anybody sees What happens to me when I detect I’m near your cheese Though it’s all in the past and not for real You try telling a rodent what to feel Like an animal experiment on feed I gravitate primally to what I’m trained to need And I barrel backwards to those days Inside your complicated maze The hunger cuts right through the haze inside The memory of Cheese…. Denied It’s not as if your cheese is all that sweet But back when I was I mouse, it’s all I’d wanna eat And sad was the only joy I knew Seductive, impossible and wrapped around you And I barrel backwards to those days Inside your complicated maze I never got to you but god, how I tried. The memory of Cheese…. Denied I’m conditioned to want you like that dog with the bell Even though it’s a painful reaction And I know every rock in the wall of this well ‘cause the hurt’s so familiar, and such a great distraction It’s a great distraction. Every once in a while you’re in a dream And I’m who I am now and not nineteen And I don’t really want to be that mouse I gotta find a new route that doesn’t go right past your house I gotta stop passing your house. And I barrel backwards through those years I’m fighting back the same old tears The promise of sweet dairy kisses died The memory of Cheese…. Denied
5.
Pothole 02:51
Are you a pothole or a ramp Are you a pothole or a ramp Do you want to help me fly Or trip me up until I cramp Are you a pothole or a ramp Are you a speedbump or a light Are you a speedbump or a light Do you only slow me down Or show me everything’s alright Are you a speedbump or a light I used to know which way to go I was the most sensible bitch alive But a coupla crashes and I can’t be trusted to drive Are you a detour or The Way Are you a detour or The Way If I follow you around Will I reach a higher ground Or just piss my heart away
6.
Already Dead 03:00
Cords and wires is all I am Nails and tires and a bucket full of sand Lay it on me – right on my back – I’m a zombie. Go ahead, I’m ALREADY DEAD Melted metal – I was a cage Rust and pebbles and a pile of empty rage Bricks and mortar still on my back – place your order Go ahead, I’m ALREADY DEAD Twigs and splinters, a heap of dirt Slush grey winters – if you ask me, I’m not hurt Trash-fed sparrows without a nest – aim your arrows Go ahead, I’m ALREADY DEAD I wobble the knob, then I’m kickin down doors And I don’t know what you bother locking this for ‘Cause there’s nothing in here, there’s nothing inside There’s nothing left here – but I really tried And the summer seeps in and I’ll itch and scratch Until the ship caves in I can’t do it all, I can’t make it work MTV, analog rings Isn’t anybody driving this thing? And I’m not so sorry but I’m working at sane Bridge and tunnel. Bridge and tunnel. Small dark rooms, the whistle of a train Thanks for the albatross – and the name
7.
Idaho 04:04
Idaho We see your picture and decide to go An autumn hike next to the leaves and the snow Will surely bridge this growing gap Scenery Mountains and rivers mute the mean in me Big sky untangles the machinery Eurekas fall into my lap But this time things are different traveling through October woods It looks just like the picture did, but we are not so good Discontent We misinterpret every signal sent How I wish that I knew what you meant And that I didn’t sound so cold Riverview When will I be back inside of you Will it be before this trip is through Is this what love does when it’s old ‘Cause this time things are different traveling through October woods IIt looks just like the picture did, but we are not so good Idaho We see your picture and decide to go An autumn hike next to the leaves and the snow Will surely bridge this growing gap
8.
He said "Tell me all about yourself, why don't you?" And I Turned red. "Can I have a week or two to think about the question?" Tell my friends I'm open to suggestion. Gonna write my AUTOBIOGRAPHY So I know what is true I'm drawing up the chapters of my AUTOBIOGRAPHY And I gotta get back to you... She said "This is quite a resume you've got here" And I'm Brain dead. "Can't you call the people on the list and they can tell you? It just feels too weird to sit and sell you." Gonna write my AUTOBIOGRAPHY So I know what is true I'm drawing up the chapters of my AUTOBIOGRAPHY And I gotta get back to you... I shouldn't even be here The harder I think of me I disappear They said "Call us when you know which way you're going - with that big head." How can I explain I don't want all of the attention? I'm just fine with honorable mention. Gonna write my AUTOBIOGRAPHY So I know what is true I'm tearing up the chapters of my AUTOBIOGRAPHY And I gotta get back to you... We keep reinventing ourselves Hoping to find out we're somebody else
9.
Grounded 02:21
She shot him once in the knee She said, "How does it feel to be me?" Grounded. She shot him once in the leg Didn't crack a smile when he begged. Grounded. I'll forgive you when you're gone But for now, let's get it on She shot him once in the head Just to be sure he really was dead And grounded.
10.
I Carry You 03:38
Next to the laminated proof of who I am I CARRY YOU Amid the plastic and the paper, like a pearl I CARRY YOU I keep you in my pocket, if not always on my mind I hold you like a locket with a personal design Sewn between the folds of my ambition and my cash I CARRY YOU Unlike a baby, a little like a child I CARRY YOU I tuck you into wallets, into purses, into me I pen you into verses underneath the poetry When I travel ‘cross the country, on the road or in the sky You sit inside my breathing as the scenery goes by And when you grow too tired to talk And when your time is through And when your legs are weary of walk I'll carry you
11.
Woke up on the sofa Patterns on my face Smacked my knee on the table I’m not used to this place Feels like a hotel room That’s got all my stuff But I’m still me, apparently, And that’s still too much. I wanna be ANYWHERE ELSE BUT ME today ANYWHERE ELSE BUT ME Anywhere Else but my sad sorry self Woke up on an airplane Lowering into LA The questions come closer And the answers go grey Down a long one-way tunnel I look back and go numb The walls are full of pictures And I keep hoping you’ll come CHORUS I might just sleep a little later Or sleep a little longer I might just sleep a little later Or sleep a little longer Maybe I’ll wake up with you You have a thing about Canada So I won’t call you when I go After the labored recitations There only silence. Don’t you know I will always be a traveler I’m still going everywhere But if you’re not the home I come to How will I know when I’m there CHORUS
12.
WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE now that I’m grown WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE now that I’m older WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE now that I’m me Are you still as cold as I remember you to be Are you grey now - Do you color Did your skin clear up or not Did you face your faceless demons Did you think that I forgot I’m not getting on an airplane I’m not renting any cars Late at night on my computer Push a button, there you are CHORUS Where’s my sense of peace and closure Where’s my mellow with the age If you saw me in the paper Would you clip it from the page Heard about your second family Carefully I bounce that ball Did you tell your wife about me You’re still you now, after all WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE My life is not about you. I turned out great without you. But when September’s in the wind, west of the past the east floods in
13.
In the final hour Of a slow decline At the end of the rope There's still AN OUNCE OF HOPE Though it's back in the corner Of a box in a drawer There are trace amounts Although the hope is just an ounce But hope, like a seed, can grow strong among the weeds And funnel in the dark earth towards the sun And hope, like the truth, finds a home and takes root And if you give it water, it will run In a deep, dark confusion Look no further than yourself When you think you cannot cope There's still AN OUNCE OF HOPE Fix your focus on the good things Find the reasons to go on It's your faith in love that counts And hope will grow from just an ounce Hope will grow from just an ounce
14.
Are you dead or are you undead?

about

“Her lyrics are witty, trenchant and persuasive, and she’s set them to melodies that lull you into enjoying them as catchy tunes—until they veer into contrasting territories. In other words, she’s got the craft down cold, if not better than most because she has a rare and intelligent edge in wordsmithery… an impressive balladeer, with a rich voice and the ability to paint an evocative portrait with a poetically few words…The debut of a witty, bright, affecting singer-songwriter.”
-Metroland Magazine

“After hearing a chunk of Engelhardt’s songbook, it’s understandable why she gets kudos for her songwriting. She brings a comedienne’s sensibility to her lyrics (as well as to her singing and performing), which can be poignant, provocative and playful all in the same song… her elastic, three-octave, mezzo soprano can almost get lost in the shuffle.”
- Cabaret Scenes, NYC

credits

released June 1, 2008

All songs (c) I ARE Music (ASCAP)
All songs arranged by Amy Engelhardt & Bob Malone
Artwork - Jessica Dodge
Graphic Design - Vance Sanders
Photography - Valli Kleven Thornton
Mastered by Mike Lazer at Paramount Recording
Immense thanks to Bob DeMarco, Steve MacDonald, Jeff Fairbanks, Brandon Schott and the Berklee SW dudes, Harry Shearer & Judith Owen, Scott Keck, Elaine Cocuzzo & Finny, Cindy Bourquin Dicken, Eben Sprinsock and all Engelhardts for never believing otherwise. To the friends who bring laughter to my life, you are my second Heima. Special thanks to brilliant goofball Alex Stein and brilliant furball Sitka P. Coldfoot, my Heima.

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Amy Engelhardt Los Angeles, California

Formerly "Amy Bob" of Grammy noms THE BOBS. Indie singer/songwriter.composer/lyricist. Vocal arranger.
Session singer.
Doctor Demento artist. Jersey Girl.
Cheese lover.
Garlic fanatic.
Cat Servant. Let's order some drinks & appetizers.
... more

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