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How Did This Thing​.​.​.

by Amy Engelhardt

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about

No one ever asked The Virgin Mary what she thought of the whole dealio.
Featuring Harry Shearer as Joseph.

"One of the funniest Christmas songs of all time."
- KQED, San Francisco

“A Jerry Lee Lewis-styled perennial in the making, although it may not appear in the program of your local church’s Christmas pageant just yet.”
– Chicago Sun Times

“Amy Engelhardt brings the show tune chutzpah with a "Great Balls of Fire"-styled lament.”
- Mistletunes

lyrics

The trouble started when we started to talk
My husband Joseph and me went for a walk
He saw my belly and broke out in a sweat
He said, “How can you be pregnant? I ain’t touched you yet!”

I’d like to think I’m not the gullible type
Don’t go for male exaggeration or hype
So when I tell you this it’s gonna sound odd
But I think that I’m the portal for the Son of God.

How, HOW DID THIS THING GET IN ME?
Only God knows if I haven’t been with Joseph
But apparently that’s no guarantee
So HOW-OW-OW-OW DID THIS THING GET IN ME?

I’m educated as a shepherd’s wife gets
I know where babies come from - I got pets
And Joseph spends all his free time with the sheep,
But I’m told that’s cliché

I don’t remember no romantic date
So now I’m thinking it was something I ate
I am a virgin and that ain’t no joke
Watch your step! You know, I think my holy water just broke.

How, HOW DID THIS THING GET IN ME?
Only God knows if I haven’t been with Joseph
But apparently that’s no guarantee
So HOW-OW-OW-OW DID THIS THING GET IN ME?

You know, when I was young, my mother said, “Mary, if you mess with those boys you’re gonna get trouble!” When do I get to mess with the boys?

Back at the stable now, I’m starting to push
The cattle are lowing and there’s hay in my tush
They bring me frankincense and gold and some myrrh
But a good ole epidural’s what I’d really prefer

I couldn’t make up more incredible things
This is a trio of the holiest kings
And I believe them, ‘cause I’m told that they’re wise,
When they say that there’s a miracle just north of my thighs

How, HOW DID THIS THING GET IN ME?
Only God knows if I haven’t been with Joseph -
But apparently that’s no guarantee
And despite good behavior, I’m carrying the Savior -
I’m all aglow with divinity
So HOW-OW-OW-OW DID THIS THING GET IN ME?

credits

released May 28, 2020
Keys - Bob Malone
Additional BG vox- Bob Malone
Bass - Steve Deutsch
Drums - Adam Gust
Recorded/mixed by Steve Macdonald at Nurviwop Studios, Camarillo, CA

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Amy Engelhardt image

Amy Engelhardt Los Angeles, California

Singer/songwriter.composer/lyricist. Vocal arranger.
Session singer.
Doctor Demento artist. Jersey Girl.
Cheese lover.
Garlic fanatic.
Cat Servant. Formerly "Amy Bob" of Grammy noms THE BOBS. Let's order some drinks & appetizers. ... more

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